general ramblings · life

Break from Knitting

I was going to post some of my FOs from the time of the lockdown in recent weeks, but I really haven’t been doing too well. My headache continues (although thankfully it’s been less severe for a few days now, yay!), we’re searching for the primary cause but with no success so far.

I’ve had a cervical MRI to out-rule or confirm disc herniation, and it didn’t show any changes in the cervical spine. This may seem like good news, but in a situation when I don’t know what’s going on and can’t be treated except some pain management, I think I’d rather have the known diagnosis already. As things are, I am waiting for the confirmation of the date of the appointment with the neurology consultant (still no news, even though I keep calling the clinic – pandemic is not a good time to get sick, everything takes even more time than usual) and trying to avoid Google, although it’s probably too late as I’ve already found all the worst options possible. I’m also trying to help myself in case if some spine-related issues affect my headaches, despite the negative MRI – I’ve changed the chair to a kneeling one (because I am not able to sit straight on a normal chair, I always end up half-squatting or sitting on my feet), try to strengthen my core muscles, and I have a new orthopaedic pillow.

It is a little better, but over a month of headaches that don’t respond too well to pain killers and never give me a break made me really grumpy and not very eager to do anything. Meanwhile, my job entered the busiest period, and there’s no time just to drown myself in self-pity!

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general ramblings · knitting · life

Seeking Comfort

How is everyone’s week going so far? Ready for the weekend?

I’ve been struck down pretty hard with occipital neuralgia, which is an inflammation or injury to the occipital nerves which innervate the back of the head including the area behind the ears. It is not the first time I’ve had this problem (it most likely stems from my C-PTSD which causes hypervigilance and constant muscle tension) but definitely the worst case so far. My neck, the back of my head, my ears and at times, my eyes hurt all the time, and it gets worse whenever I move. The pain is pulsating and dull, but from time to time, it’s very sharp and strong. I feel very sensitive to light (and it’s finally getting a little more warm and sunny!!!). It honestly sucks. I’m doing as advised by my GP: massaging the neck and shoulder muscles, trying to relax them, using heating pads and painkillers, but it’s not getting better. I’m going to see the GP again on Monday, so maybe it’s time to move to another treatment, like stronger anti-inflammatory meds, muscle relaxants, or even nerve block shots. We’ll see what she says; unfortunately, it’s a long-lasting condition. In any case, it’s no fun, and as you can imagine, I’m not doing much knitting because of the discomfort.

And since I mentioned discomfort, I thought this should be a good opportunity to talk about its opposite – comfort – and that brings me to my finished project: the Comfort Fade Cardigan.

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knitting

Red Moon Sweater

Hello Friends! Phew, it’s been a while… a really long while since my last post. I’m fine, and nothing bad happened, I just really wasn’t feeling like writing, so I took a bit of a break from blogging. As Ireland is slowly reopening (accelerating the 5-phase roadmap significantly in recent weeks), I find myself in a weird dissociative state, with my thoughts foggy and scattered all over the place.

We haven’t done anything social yet, and I’ve even cancelled my hairdresser’s appointment – luckily the Boyfriend agreed to trim my hair because they really needed that (those pesky split ends!). For a few days now we’ve been allowed to travel anywhere in Ireland, and we wanted to take a weekend trip last week, but it’s been very windy and raining all the time, so we dropped the idea, and hopefully, we can go somewhere this weekend. I’m also planning a girlie “dinner and drinks” night out with some friends next Saturday as the first step to break the isolation, so maybe that will help me get back to a more reasonable and focused state of mind.

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general ramblings · knitting · life

Late Nights

Hello! How are you doing my Friends? I hope everyone is fine, staying safe in self-isolation.

Who would have thought a year ago that this would be a common way to begin a blog entry? We live in interesting times, and I miss the good old boredom!

Here in Ireland, we entered the first stage of a 5-phase roadmap to reopening the country yesterday, and it seems that everyone assumes we’re already past the danger. I went to do my weekly grocery shopping yesterday, and I was baffled to see people without masks, gloves and approaching each other casually as if everything was already back to normal. But the 1st phase is hardly any change at all, the process is supposed to be a gradual (and slow – until August) transition into “business as usual”. Right now, some outdoor vendors and workers can reopen/ get back to work, and people from different households can meet up outdoors, but still keeping the distance. Meanwhile, all the neighbourhood kids are running around together in a large group today, and I just can’t see it ending well. I hope I’m wrong!

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knitting

Another Summer Knit And I’m Happy With It!

That’s right! After my first successful summer project, I decided to try again and knit another garment using a different shade of the same Lithuanian 3-ply Linen. This time it’s a summer cardigan designed by Ambah O’Brien, called Natsu. I’m not even sure if the word ‘cardigan’ is the best for it, it’s something between a kimono top, poncho and a summer light jacket, but whatever the name, it’s a perfect summer piece of clothing. Just have a look!

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general ramblings · knitting · life

Bits and Bobs

I guess challenging myself with trying to defeat my summer knits anxiety has made me bolder than usual, and I decided to give a try to my other usually avoided type of projects: made with bulky yarn.

Maybe you noticed reading my posts, that I mostly knit with thinner yarns, preferable fingering weight. Fingering or DK is my favourite, with worsted or aran weight reserved for hats (sometimes) and an occasional sweater. I’ve only tried to knit a jumper with bulky yarn once in my life, and I found it such a pain that I promptly unravelled the few centimetres I made and swapped the yarn for something lighter in my knitting group, promising myself never to do that again. It just felt so awkward! The needles were large and uncomfortable, and they felt like paddles in my hands rather than crafty accessories meant to create a garment (even though I LOVE kayaking 😉 ).

Well, since it’s time for crafty challenges and (hopefully) small victories, I dug out some bulky multicoloured wool and acrylic yarn from Ice Yarns in the shades of peach, light brown, pink and grey from my stash, and decided to give it a try.

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knitting

Breaking the Curse of Summer Knits

I’ve written here several times before that I’m not that into summer knits. It’s not for the lack of trying – I’ve tried repeatedly, and I’m just not feeling it. Maybe it’s the summer yarns, mostly cotton, linen, or other plant fibre based? They are not as flexible and forgiving as wool, and very often the patterns for summer clothes call for thicker yarn, and I don’t feel comfortable in thick summer tops, even if they are made of “breathable” cotton. Of course, I could always adjust the patterns to thinner yarns, but I’m umm, let’s say not into that either.

How can I resist springtime knits with such beauty outside my windows?

Having tried and failed in the past, it doesn’t mean that I don’t keep trying each year as it gets warmer in the Spring! And this year, I decided to tackle two challenges at once, summer knits and linen. And feeling bold and brave, I ordered some Lithuanian linen thread on Etsy, in a variety of different pastel shades.

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knitting

Boyfriend’s Jumper

I mentioned here several times in the past that I’m sticking with knitting hats when it comes to knits for the Boyfriend. He never wears any scarves – neither those made by me nor any other – and he hardly ever wears the jumper I made, because it’s a thick aran weight sweater and he feels too warm in it. But he always wears the hats from me and seems to like them, or at least he’s kind enough to claim so.

Well, I’m taking it back: all it took for him to appreciate a good warm sweater was for his office to have long-term heating issues. Suddenly not only he started wearing sweaters (and got complimented on the one from me!) but also asked if I could make him another one. Well, of course, I could!

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general ramblings · knitting · life

Summer Carnival in Spring

This is a post I’ve meant to write for more than a month now, and I could never find the time or mood for that, so I think it’s high time to present my Summer Carnival Bolero finally!

It’s the shortest cardigan I’ve ever owned (or knitted), and it’s a somewhat surprising addition to my wardrobe, as I’m usually more of a tunic kind of gal. But recently I’ve found myself knitting smaller and shorter sweaters, and it culminated (at least I think so, if I go any shorter, it’s not going to be a sweater anymore but… I don’t know… a cowl?) in this bolero. As it’s finally getting warmer, it’s a functional, lightweight, not too covering layer that I can wear below my spring jacket. That is, at least I could do it if I went out – my only trips are taking the rubbish out, going for short walks in the neighbourhood (we don’t have many places to walk here even though the area is rural and green, as there are mostly fenced pastures and there are no pavements. To have a proper walk we have to go by car first, a little farther than is allowed for non-essential reasons now) and rare grocery shopping, that we try to limit as much as possible. But in theory… the bolero is perfect for now 😉

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crochet · general ramblings · life

It’s getting foggy

Content warning: there will be talking about the pandemics so if you feel like you need to avoid this topic, skip to the part after the first photo.

Hello friends! I hope everyone is staying safe when all the world around is in chaos. Please remember not only to protect yourselves and others from the virus but also to take care of your mental health. It’s very easy to get overwhelmed by the situation, especially with the forced self-isolation and staying home. I’m an introvert who needs her alone time (and lots of it!) each day to charge my batteries, and it still feels wrong when staying home is not my choice. I can only imagine how difficult it must be for anyone social and outgoing.


Myself, I’m not taking the situation well. I’m not feeling anxious, and I’m not panicking, but my good old friend, dissociation, is having a field day (month?) in my mind. Hence the title of this post: I’m really numb, and I don’t feel real, as if there was this thick fog between me and the rest of the world, and even between my own body and mind. I’m trying to use the grounding techniques learned over the years in therapy but so far, no success. Somewhere deep inside I feel concern for my parents, my brother and my nephew in Poland – and the fact that I can’t see them and won’t be able to see them any time soon (even if I travelled there, I’d still have to be quarantined, and I can’t risk infecting for my not-so-young parents). I worry what would happen to my cats if we got sick and possibly hospitalised (I prepared a long list with cat-care instructions for the Boyfriend, as I’m in the higher risk group so chances are I might need to be hospitalised if I got infected), and I really worry about the economic situation and what happens when the recession strikes, because it’s always scary living abroad without a strong support network.


But all this anxiety is hidden, and mostly it’s this awful fog and derealization, which makes it extremely hard to focus and work – finishing some of the work projects in the last two weeks has felt like a herculean mental effort. I also miss the entire hours that I can’t recall, and my short-term memory is terrible. I literally get up and forget what I was going to do before I’m standing!


But we’ll get through that, too, won’t we? We just need to figure out how to adjust to this situation, stay vigilant and be careful to minimise the risk of contracting or spreading the disease.

Cat pictures to clear the mood 🙂

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