crochet · general ramblings · life

It’s getting foggy

Content warning: there will be talking about the pandemics so if you feel like you need to avoid this topic, skip to the part after the first photo.

Hello friends! I hope everyone is staying safe when all the world around is in chaos. Please remember not only to protect yourselves and others from the virus but also to take care of your mental health. It’s very easy to get overwhelmed by the situation, especially with the forced self-isolation and staying home. I’m an introvert who needs her alone time (and lots of it!) each day to charge my batteries, and it still feels wrong when staying home is not my choice. I can only imagine how difficult it must be for anyone social and outgoing.

Myself, I’m not taking the situation well. I’m not feeling anxious, and I’m not panicking, but my good old friend, dissociation, is having a field day (month?) in my mind. Hence the title of this post: I’m really numb, and I don’t feel real, as if there was this thick fog between me and the rest of the world, and even between my own body and mind. I’m trying to use the grounding techniques learned over the years in therapy but so far, no success. Somewhere deep inside I feel concern for my parents, my brother and my nephew in Poland – and the fact that I can’t see them and won’t be able to see them any time soon (even if I travelled there, I’d still have to be quarantined, and I can’t risk infecting for my not-so-young parents). I worry what would happen to my cats if we got sick and possibly hospitalised (I prepared a long list with cat-care instructions for the Boyfriend, as I’m in the higher risk group so chances are I might need to be hospitalised if I got infected), and I really worry about the economic situation and what happens when the recession strikes, because it’s always scary living abroad without a strong support network.

But all this anxiety is hidden, and mostly it’s this awful fog and derealization, which makes it extremely hard to focus and work – finishing some of the work projects in the last two weeks has felt like a herculean mental effort. I also miss the entire hours that I can’t recall, and my short-term memory is terrible. I literally get up and forget what I was going to do before I’m standing!

But we’ll get through that, too, won’t we? We just need to figure out how to adjust to this situation, stay vigilant and be careful to minimise the risk of contracting or spreading the disease.

Cat pictures to clear the mood ๐Ÿ™‚

Alright, thank you for letting me vent (as if I asked anyone ๐Ÿ˜‰ ) and let’s move on to the next part!
I still have a finished cardigan to show, but this has to wait until the next post (AGAIN!). And not for something completely different – I made some stitch markers!

Alright, saying that I made them is an exaggeration, I simply bought the charms and connected them with some of my old circular stitch markers, but it’s nevertheless something new and exciting to make:) I made them for a lady from my work team who learned to knit about two years ago and with whom I always talk about crafty stuff whenever we meet up in Brussels; we also sometimes exchange e-mails showing off our recent yarn hauls or finished projects. She says that she doesn’t know anyone who knits and her friends don’t really support her in her hobby, so she’s always so happy when we can discuss our hobby together. She’s also a conservation specialist who researches molluscs, so I thought some snail markers would be a perfect little gift. And so I bought a set of charms and, after struggling for a while with all the tiny, fiddly elements, I made the markers!

Of course, the plan was to give them to her during our annual Brussels meeting (that was supposed to take place at the end of March), but obviously, this has been cancelled, so now I need to post them by snail mail (see what I did there?). I hope they will cheer her up a bit ๐Ÿ™‚

For the past month, I’ve been working on a new sweater for the Boyfriend, but honestly, it’s really going slowly, so recently I took out my other WIP – the Cornish Comfort blanket, and made a few more rounds. I progressed from the circular stage to the square, and I really love it so far. If you’re looking for a satisfying and sometimes challenging (but very well written) blanket pattern, I can’t recommend it enough.

And that’s all for today, be well and take care of yourselves!

13 thoughts on “It’s getting foggy

  1. I’m sorry to learn of your anxieties, Kat; but as you’re able to write very sensibly about them, I’m not too worried about you ! ๐Ÿ™‚ Venting is good for the soul, eh ?
    Your moggy pictures are lovely ! – and so are the moggies. You remind me that I must post some more of my teeny mog, Boodie: the world’s smallest cat (not really !) and the most utterly adorable. What, me ? – biased ? Nonsense ! [grin]
    Your stitch-markers are really lovely – all those pretty little shells with a dash of colour added .. I am impressed: I could never have done something like that !

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I’m in that high-risk group myself for three or four reasons. Even more so is my 95-year-old mother. Honestly, you just have to arm yourself with the most reliable information, then do your best to minimize your risks. I empathize with you as my BFF has chronic anxiety disorder (on top of bipolar disorder). Situations like this must be especially difficult for you, especially with all these people who are misinformed, make no attempt to get the facts or get them straight, and just panic. It’s so not helpful. Most of the time it just makes the situation worse.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’ve been thinking of you, I remember your posts from last year when you were on oxygen. I hope you’re safe at home and both you and your mother stay healthy!
      Oh yes, misinformation is such a bad thing. My mom kept sending me some weird whattsap messages with conspiracy theories on the pandemics etc. until I had to talk to her about that – she’s a mathematician, she knows what good and bad research is, and how to think logically, but because of all this panic she got completely lost in all the harmful nonsense that’s being spread. Luckily seems like she’s back to her senses.


  3. Sorry to hear that the grounding techniques that you are trying are less effective right now. I hope something sticks and works for you. I agree with WOL about the current situation though – we can only try to sift for reliable information, and take measures to protect ourselves and the people around us.
    Crafting is definitely great for our sanity, though I too find it difficult to bring myself to make stuff when I’m down mentally, so I can empathize. I love the personalized stitch marker enhancements that you made for your colleague/friend, and I’m sure she’ll be thrilled to receive them! The blanket looks lovelier by the day, and I hope you continue to enjoy making it.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Your markers are lovely! And we are all in this together – you are not alone. It is a time to try our souls but sending your words out to touch others is a gift that keeps on giving. xo

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Big, big hugs Kat. You need to vent! This is a totally scary and unprecedented situation. It’s really hard to not have it consume your thoughts. I keep refreshing news on it too (which I know isn’t great….) If anything, I feel so much solidarity knowing that so many of us globally are going through the same thing. ::one more hug::

    Those are such lovely stitch markers, and I love the blanket square! ๐Ÿ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

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