This is a post I’ve meant to write for more than a month now, and I could never find the time or mood for that, so I think it’s high time to present my Summer Carnival Bolero finally!
It’s the shortest cardigan I’ve ever owned (or knitted), and it’s a somewhat surprising addition to my wardrobe, as I’m usually more of a tunic kind of gal. But recently I’ve found myself knitting smaller and shorter sweaters, and it culminated (at least I think so, if I go any shorter, it’s not going to be a sweater anymore but… I don’t know… a cowl?) in this bolero. As it’s finally getting warmer, it’s a functional, lightweight, not too covering layer that I can wear below my spring jacket. That is, at least I could do it if I went out – my only trips are taking the rubbish out, going for short walks in the neighbourhood (we don’t have many places to walk here even though the area is rural and green, as there are mostly fenced pastures and there are no pavements. To have a proper walk we have to go by car first, a little farther than is allowed for non-essential reasons now) and rare grocery shopping, that we try to limit as much as possible. But in theory… the bolero is perfect for now 😉
Content warning: there will be talking about the pandemics so if you feel like you need to avoid this topic, skip to the part after the first photo.
Hello friends! I hope everyone is staying safe when all the world around is in chaos. Please remember not only to protect yourselves and others from the virus but also to take care of your mental health. It’s very easy to get overwhelmed by the situation, especially with the forced self-isolation and staying home. I’m an introvert who needs her alone time (and lots of it!) each day to charge my batteries, and it still feels wrong when staying home is not my choice. I can only imagine how difficult it must be for anyone social and outgoing.
Myself, I’m not taking the situation well. I’m not feeling anxious, and I’m not panicking, but my good old friend, dissociation, is having a field day (month?) in my mind. Hence the title of this post: I’m really numb, and I don’t feel real, as if there was this thick fog between me and the rest of the world, and even between my own body and mind. I’m trying to use the grounding techniques learned over the years in therapy but so far, no success. Somewhere deep inside I feel concern for my parents, my brother and my nephew in Poland – and the fact that I can’t see them and won’t be able to see them any time soon (even if I travelled there, I’d still have to be quarantined, and I can’t risk infecting for my not-so-young parents). I worry what would happen to my cats if we got sick and possibly hospitalised (I prepared a long list with cat-care instructions for the Boyfriend, as I’m in the higher risk group so chances are I might need to be hospitalised if I got infected), and I really worry about the economic situation and what happens when the recession strikes, because it’s always scary living abroad without a strong support network.
But all this anxiety is hidden, and mostly it’s this awful fog and derealization, which makes it extremely hard to focus and work – finishing some of the work projects in the last two weeks has felt like a herculean mental effort. I also miss the entire hours that I can’t recall, and my short-term memory is terrible. I literally get up and forget what I was going to do before I’m standing!
But we’ll get through that, too, won’t we? We just need to figure out how to adjust to this situation, stay vigilant and be careful to minimise the risk of contracting or spreading the disease.
Winter came to Ireland. An actual, snowy winter that put all the country on lockdown. Schools, workplaces, post, public transport of all kinds (from planes to buses and trains), shops and restaurants – everything has been closed since Wednesday. Today is the first day when it almost doesn’t snow and some shops are open again. And that’s what happens when people can go shopping again after a couple of days: