general ramblings · life

Can you stop, 2020?!

I know I’ve been ranting here a lot recently, mostly about my health, and I’m afraid this is going to be just another ranty post. One day I’m going to write about knitting, I promise!

And as a distraction from the text of my post, I’m going to show some photos of the shawl I’d knitted in March and couldn’t be bothered to write about ever since. I’ll link to my Ravelry project website for the shawl for details about the pattern and yarn if anyone is interested. It has been sent as a Birthday gift to a friend weeks.

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general ramblings · life

Break from Knitting

I was going to post some of my FOs from the time of the lockdown in recent weeks, but I really haven’t been doing too well. My headache continues (although thankfully it’s been less severe for a few days now, yay!), we’re searching for the primary cause but with no success so far.

I’ve had a cervical MRI to out-rule or confirm disc herniation, and it didn’t show any changes in the cervical spine. This may seem like good news, but in a situation when I don’t know what’s going on and can’t be treated except some pain management, I think I’d rather have the known diagnosis already. As things are, I am waiting for the confirmation of the date of the appointment with the neurology consultant (still no news, even though I keep calling the clinic – pandemic is not a good time to get sick, everything takes even more time than usual) and trying to avoid Google, although it’s probably too late as I’ve already found all the worst options possible. I’m also trying to help myself in case if some spine-related issues affect my headaches, despite the negative MRI – I’ve changed the chair to a kneeling one (because I am not able to sit straight on a normal chair, I always end up half-squatting or sitting on my feet), try to strengthen my core muscles, and I have a new orthopaedic pillow.

It is a little better, but over a month of headaches that don’t respond too well to pain killers and never give me a break made me really grumpy and not very eager to do anything. Meanwhile, my job entered the busiest period, and there’s no time just to drown myself in self-pity!

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general ramblings · knitting · life

Summer Carnival in Spring

This is a post I’ve meant to write for more than a month now, and I could never find the time or mood for that, so I think it’s high time to present my Summer Carnival Bolero finally!

It’s the shortest cardigan I’ve ever owned (or knitted), and it’s a somewhat surprising addition to my wardrobe, as I’m usually more of a tunic kind of gal. But recently I’ve found myself knitting smaller and shorter sweaters, and it culminated (at least I think so, if I go any shorter, it’s not going to be a sweater anymore but… I don’t know… a cowl?) in this bolero. As it’s finally getting warmer, it’s a functional, lightweight, not too covering layer that I can wear below my spring jacket. That is, at least I could do it if I went out – my only trips are taking the rubbish out, going for short walks in the neighbourhood (we don’t have many places to walk here even though the area is rural and green, as there are mostly fenced pastures and there are no pavements. To have a proper walk we have to go by car first, a little farther than is allowed for non-essential reasons now) and rare grocery shopping, that we try to limit as much as possible. But in theory… the bolero is perfect for now 😉

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crochet · general ramblings · life

It’s getting foggy

Content warning: there will be talking about the pandemics so if you feel like you need to avoid this topic, skip to the part after the first photo.

Hello friends! I hope everyone is staying safe when all the world around is in chaos. Please remember not only to protect yourselves and others from the virus but also to take care of your mental health. It’s very easy to get overwhelmed by the situation, especially with the forced self-isolation and staying home. I’m an introvert who needs her alone time (and lots of it!) each day to charge my batteries, and it still feels wrong when staying home is not my choice. I can only imagine how difficult it must be for anyone social and outgoing.


Myself, I’m not taking the situation well. I’m not feeling anxious, and I’m not panicking, but my good old friend, dissociation, is having a field day (month?) in my mind. Hence the title of this post: I’m really numb, and I don’t feel real, as if there was this thick fog between me and the rest of the world, and even between my own body and mind. I’m trying to use the grounding techniques learned over the years in therapy but so far, no success. Somewhere deep inside I feel concern for my parents, my brother and my nephew in Poland – and the fact that I can’t see them and won’t be able to see them any time soon (even if I travelled there, I’d still have to be quarantined, and I can’t risk infecting for my not-so-young parents). I worry what would happen to my cats if we got sick and possibly hospitalised (I prepared a long list with cat-care instructions for the Boyfriend, as I’m in the higher risk group so chances are I might need to be hospitalised if I got infected), and I really worry about the economic situation and what happens when the recession strikes, because it’s always scary living abroad without a strong support network.


But all this anxiety is hidden, and mostly it’s this awful fog and derealization, which makes it extremely hard to focus and work – finishing some of the work projects in the last two weeks has felt like a herculean mental effort. I also miss the entire hours that I can’t recall, and my short-term memory is terrible. I literally get up and forget what I was going to do before I’m standing!


But we’ll get through that, too, won’t we? We just need to figure out how to adjust to this situation, stay vigilant and be careful to minimise the risk of contracting or spreading the disease.

Cat pictures to clear the mood 🙂

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general ramblings · life

Lockdown

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Day 1.

Winter came to Ireland. An actual, snowy winter that put all the country on lockdown. Schools, workplaces, post, public transport of all kinds (from planes to buses and trains), shops and restaurants – everything has been closed since Wednesday. Today is the first day when it almost doesn’t snow and some shops are open again. And that’s what happens when people can go shopping again after a couple of days:

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This is just the part of the queue outside of the supermarket, there’s a long line inside the building too.

Continue reading “Lockdown”